Don't smoke don't fight don't light no cigarettes
  Or else you'll wind up in the can
  No jokes no rights sit tight don't fool around
  You are a guest of Uncle Sam
  Stand up look right don't slouch and stand at ease
  Allow no sex above the knees
  When I snap you jump into the master plan
  I'll be damned
  Well I'll be damned
    I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
  Damned if I steal your joke
  I'll be damned if I go for broke
  Damned if I do
  Damned if I don't
    Don't talk don't fool don't try to mess around
  I'll make a monkey outta you
  You sign your name right on that dotted line boy
  I'll be damned
    I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
  Damned if I steal your joke
  I'll be damned if I go for broke
  Damned if I do
  And damned if I don't
    I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
  Damned if I steal your joke
  I'll be damned if I go for broke
  I'm damned if I do
  I'm damned if I don't
    I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
  Damned if I steal your joke
  I'll be damned if I go for broke
  I'm damned if I do
  I'm damned if I don't
    I'll be damned
  I'll be damned
  I'll be damned
  I'll be damned
  I'll be damned
  I'll be damned