It feels like I've been alone too long,
    With no girls around
    My mamma's wondering.
    Thinking of some way,
    to release it.
    
    I looked in the kitchen,
    Saw some Crisco Oil,
    And that's when my bladder started to boil,
    Ooooooh yeah.
    
    Ow, Ow, Ow!
    (Uh oh!)
    Ow, ow, ow!
    (Oh God! What did I just do?)
    
    No one wanted to be with me,
    Had to make my dream come true,
    I wanted to hump something,
    I didn't know what to do.
    It seemed like a good idea,
    And no one else was around,
    I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
    And now I can't get it out!
    
    Stuck my weenie in a bottle today,
    Gonna shove it up there all the way.
    I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
    Oh no,
    Can, can, someone come help me out?
    
    It's turning purple,
    All the feelings gone,
    Now where did I put that friggin' phone?
    Dialing 9-1-1!
    
    Please pick up!
    I'm in a lot of pain!
    This was supposed to feel good,
    Now I'm suffering,
    Oh, please answer!
    
    [Emergeny Services]
    Denver 911, what is your emergency?
    
    Ow, Ow, ow!
    
    [Emergency Services]
    Hello?
    
    Ow, ow, ow!
    
    [Emergency Services]
    Sir, what seems to be the problem?
    
    No one wanted to be with me,
    Had to make my dream come true,
    I wanted to hump something,
    I didn't know what to do.
    
    [Emergency Services]
    Go on!
    
    It seemed like a good idea,
    And no one else was around,
    I stuck my weenie in a bottle,
    And now I can't get it out!
    
    [Emergency Services]
    You stuck your weenie in a bottle,
    Oh my!
    You must feel really lonley, guy.
    You stuck your weenie in a bottle,
    That's a first!
    Don't worry sir,
    We're sending somebody out!
    Hey Pam, this guy's got his weenie stuck in a bottle!
    
    [Pam]
    No way!
    
    [Emergency Services]
    He does!
    HAHAHAHAHA!
    Wait, wait...
    Sir, we're sending somebody out.
    AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!
    
    [Police]
    He's in here,
    Let's break the door down!
    
    They break the door down.
    
    [Police]
    Oh my God!
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
    
    [Emergency Services]
    No one wanted to be with him,
     Had to make his dream come true,
    He wanted to hump something!
    
    I didn't know what to do!
    
    [Police]
    It seemed like a good idea,
    And no one else was around,
    He stuck his weenie in a bottle--
    
    And now I can't get it out!
    
    [Policeman]
    Ok kid, relax
    We're going to get this thing off of ya!
    OK, get ready,
    PULL!
    
    OWWWW!!
    
    Stuck my weenie in a bottle today,
    Now, now, now I can't get it out!